Fear

FEAR!!!!!!!!!

An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous. It is one of the most basic human emotions.  Fear not only makes you feel nervous but also protect us or make us alert to danger and prepares us to deal with it and also helpful in some situations, it can be like a warning, a signal that cautions us to be careful.

When we sense danger our brain reacts instantly and sends signals that activate our nervous system which causes physical responses, such as a faster heartbeat, rapid breathing, and an increase in blood pressure and our skin sweats to keep our body cool. Some people might notice sensations in the stomach, head, chest, legs, or hands.

Most of the people have a 

·         Fear of speaking in public

·         Fear of death

·         Fear in decision making

·         Fear of swimming

·         Fear of driving

·         Fear of death

·         Fear of losing job

·         Fear of rejection

·         Fear of darkness etc

People tend to avoid the situations or things they fear but this doesn't help them overcome fear — in fact, avoiding something scary reinforces a fear and keeps it strong.

What I have personally noticed that speaking in front of others is one of the most common fears people have. There is wisdom in the old saying, "practice makes perfect." The more you speak in public, the more your confidence will grow. If you tell yourself that you are going to fail, you probably will. Conversely, if you tell yourself that you will succeed, you will. Fear of speaking in front of others is a very detailed topic, in my net post I will discuss it in detail. 

Telling yourself that you will succeed will definitely boost your confidence. The best way to overcome this fear is to gain confidence in your ability. One more thing which I want to add here is that lack of confidence will automatically lead to the fear of failure.

Failure is an another fear, but  keep this in your mind that the most successful people in the world are those who failed so many times  but they learned from their mistakes and they  focused on continuing to try again and again.  This fear does not ended here in some of the cases and it leads to fear of decision making.  

A lot of people fear making decisions, yet they don’t realize that by not making a decision they are actually MAKING A DECISION. If you don’t decide to brush your teeth today, what happens? You don’t brush your teeth. In effect, you are actually deciding not to brush your teeth if you don’t DECIDE TO brush your teeth.

You know what, you are not basically afraid of making decision you are actually afraid of making wrong decisions. For this explore your feelings about the fear of failure. If you overcome that one, your fear of making the wrong decisions will probably disappear. 

Another fear which I have noticed while talking their problems is the fear of losing job.

I think many people have a fear of losing job.  Remember the saying “Whenever one door closes, another one opens."  Do not worry about what may happen next week or next month. Things change all the time and it is impossible to predict what may or may not happen. Do the best you can today and hope for the best.  

But if you want to keep your job you have to prove your worth, you have to stay late to finish a project and you have to show your boss that you love your job and you are a important asset for your company.

Sometime you are doing your best but the company you work may encounter some tough times or you may be fired due to some conflict between you and your superiors.  One of the best ways to overcome this fear is to constantly work on improving the value you provide to your company and become so valuable that your boss stays up at night worrying about losing you.

People can overcome their fear by getting specific about what exactly they’re afraid of. What are they really scared of?, my suggestion in this situation is that whenever fear strikes, flip it over. Instead of thinking of something bad that can happen, think of something positive. For example if you’re thinking about public speaking, take deep breathes and imagine yourself being wildly successful instead of failing horribly.

I hope you'll share your fears with me by commenting here.

Jealousy

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. – Bette Midler

Jealousy:-

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety. The main cause for feeling of jealousy is your doubts about your abilities or skills. If you believe in yourself you would have never suffered from any jealousy feelings.

In my opinion it’s an emotion like happiness or sadness or anger.  You might feel  jealous when something good happens to someone you know like your best friend, relative, brother  or sister  and you may wish that why this thing didn’t happen to you and instead of feeling happy for that person you may be angry or upset with that person.

Don’t waste your time in jealousy.  Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. Mary Schmich

Jealousy is the fungi which can not only destroy an individual but it can also ruin the entire family. Jealousy makes you feel bad or simply fill your heart with hatred.  A jealous person never considers the needs and desires of others.

Common causes of jealousy:-

·         A sibling can  get jealous of other because he is getting more attention by parents,

·         It often arises when one friend is rich and other is not,

·         It often arises when you compare or compete yourself with others.

·         It may also causes when someone you hate succeeds or when someone achieves something that you have always wanted to achieve.

·          It may arise in a case when someone manages to get something and you think that he doesn't deserve it. On the other hand, if someone you really like achieved something then you might not feel jealous of him at all. It often arises when you compare or compete yourself with others.

·         Your friend spending time with other people - fear that the friend will prefer the other people and will not want to spend time with you anymore,

·         someone else getting a promotion that you want - insecurity over unmet expectations,

·         romantic partner interacting with others (co-worker, ex, friend, etc.) - fear of partner cheating with someone who is "better" than you in some way etc

Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior. Learn to question your jealousy every time that it emerges. When you begin to question what makes you jealous at moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage the feelings constructively, without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy.

How to deal with it:

·         Stop comparing yourself to other people,

·         Ask yourself why you're jealous. Yes, first you have to get to the root of your feelings.

·         Try identifying situations when you find yourself feeling jealous and write down for yourself.

·         Try to identify when the feelings and jealous thoughts arise and what actual thoughts go through your head.

·         Face your fears.  You can write a list of your positive qualities and achievements and read it through on a daily basis, or when you are feeling insecure, to remind yourself that you do have worth.

·         Spend some time doing some reasonable activities or pastimes that meet your own wishes or needs - what you will enjoy will depend on you.

·         Avoid intoxicants such as alcohol or illegal drugs, which may exacerbate mood swings and increase out the chances of you acting in an inappropriate way.

·         The final way to deal with jealousy is to seek professional help for your irrational feelings and thoughts. If you can't settle this issue yourself, then don't hesitate to ask for assistance.

Here is the small survey that I have conducted on Jealousy:-

Name and country	What do you think what is jealousy?	Why people get jealous from others?	If you get jealous, how you deal with it?, how do you show it?
Nicole, USA	Feeling angry because you want what someone else has	People want what other people have, or they think that other people are happier because they talk about things they've done or update face book more often	If someone is bragging, I will tell them that I'm jealous. Otherwise it's kind of private.
Maryfrances, USA	Insecurity	They are not comfortable with themselves	I rethink why I am jealous. What specifically makes me upset? Can I change it?
Sandip Subedi, Nepal	Feeling bad on others good	Ego	I tell everything if I fell anything.
Linda, USA	Insecurity... plain and simple	They do not take the time to deal with their insecurities and hide behind them, "it's not you I don't trust. It's everyone else"	I do not have jealousy issues, thank goodness
Therese Van Arsdale, USA	Jealousy is the irrational feeling that someone else has something you consider to be your own	People become jealous when they feel they aren't in control of a relationship or that they don't have something they feel they deserve.	If I'm jealous usually I don't say it. I make that person be jealous too
Alina, Ukraine	It’s an anger that appears inside of a person when he/she realizes that a person who means something special for him/her starts sharing his/her attention with other people	2 reasons - the desire to possess and in confidence	I get very upset and frustrated, and my mind goes crazy.
Joe, USA	It’s a form of insecurity	because they feel they are not good enough	When/if I get jealous, I pray. I do not act on it.
Dianna, USA	The resentment or coveting of another's possessions, qualities, or position	Because we are humans that compare ourselves to other humans instead of being happy for others and thankful for our differences.	I don't show it, I avoid the subject with the person and maybe tell them off when they complain about it. In the nicest way possible
Hasnain, Pakistan	Jealousy is when you envy someone else's success or what they have	because they wish they could be like the person they are jealous from	I only got jealous once from my own student who was promoted to a higher position than me. I kept it secret & never showed him. But One day I went to him & told him that I used to be jealouse but not anymore. :)
Syed Rizvi, Pakistan	Simply regret is called jealousy	because they are unable to do what others doing the main factor for jealousy	simply cannot talk with the person for some time
Amna Afzaal, Saudi Arabia	jealousy is preservation! its a defense mechanism to hold on to a precious thing that we have If your partner doesn't get jealous, think where your relationships at. Jealousy is a good thing, but unreasonably too much of it is bad.	I think jealously happens when one see's someone with something they don't have. The first response is to be envious of them which everyone is at some part of their life. It could be that they are envious of a person’s personality, beauty, money, self respect, clothes, family, friends, or other material things. No it don't have to always be material things it could be mental, spiritual things, and all kinds areas. As the more envious becomes jealousy steams from the obsession they have. If one obsesses over another person’s life they will become jealous.	If I ever get jealous, I show it in my behavior, I don't to that person and I feel insecure from the inside, I stay the same for a day or two and I think that why am I being jealous of that person and I try to relax myself and feel all the good things around me. jealousy leads to dejection and depression.

Hmm, how I show my jealousy, well I can’t hide it, I think. It is obvious in my behavior. But, I think and rethink on that matter again and again that what are the factors that are making me jealous and I take this jealousy very positive and try to improve myself.

How to tell if someone is lying…

Lying makes things worse because it hurts your personal relationships, relationships with friends and family, brothers and sisters, parents, children, teachers, colleagues etc. Lying harms not only personal relationships but it can ruins business relationships as well. In conducting business we also put ourselves into the hands of others.

Have you ever noticed how badly you feel when you discover a friend has told you even a diminutive lie? It hurts a lot. You wonder why a friend would do that to you. We all lie but not all lies are harmful, sometimes lying is the best approach for protecting privacy of ourselves and others. Sometimes it is told when the truth may not be told because it can harm the others.

Have you ever felt angry and didn’t want to speak to someone ever again for hurting your

feelings by telling a lie?  

No need to be worry now, just relax, cheer up and be happy. Here I want to share with you few useful tips by which you can easily catch who is lying to you and this knowledge is for anyone to use in everyday situations and can prevent you from being a victim of fraud and can catch that person red handed.

1.      How to tell if someone is lying based on the movements of their eyes. A person who is lying to you avoid making contact your eyes.

2.      A lair touches his face too much.

3.      A lair rubs his nose frequently.

4.      Scratching behind their ears.

5.      Expressions don’t match the verbal statement.

6.       People tend to sweat more when they lie.

7.      A person who is lying tries to lubricate their throat by swallowing or clearing their throat.

8.      A person who is lying uses the same convincing sentence again and again when they are asked to explain the situation.

9.      Sometimes facial expressions on his face reveal true emotion.

10.   A liar’s voice can also be a good indicator.

11.  An honest answer comes quickly from memory but lies require a quick mental review so if you really want to know that a person is lying pay attention to his reaction to your questions.

12.  A liar may speak more than natural by adding unnecessary details to convince you.  Sometimes they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

Lies also hurt me a lot, I really feel very bad but I usually forgive and never say even a single word to that person because I personally believe that life is too short to live, smile is the best medicine and forgiveness is the best act but truly speaking hurt is still there in my heart for that particular person.

By the way there are some situations where I also use this tool ;) 

If someone lies, how do you feel about it, how you detect it, and how do you react?